Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
