i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
