i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
