i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
