You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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