Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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