when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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