By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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