There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
