my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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