He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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