So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
