so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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