We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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