Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
