every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Randomize
