Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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