the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
