That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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