if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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