The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
operation harelip BJ is a go
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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