I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
