I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
