My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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