Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
