Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
