Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
