apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
