I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
