i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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