u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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