batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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