he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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