it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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