So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
