she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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