Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
