Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
