I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
