This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
you never un-have a 4some
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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