its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
