I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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