she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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