I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
