six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
