He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
