He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
