I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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