I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
