Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
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