Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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