I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
